Rebecca Bell: "The Rug Has Been Pulled from Under Me"

Wed, 04/01/2020 - 10:03
Blog
Rebecca Bell and Nibeley Union Hit competing at the 2020 CDI Keysoe right before the corona shutdown

So, since I last wrote, the world has changed a bit! The COVID-19 situation is unprecedented and terrifying, and I firstly want to thank everyone on the front line of dealing with it. You are all heroes; the fact that the rest of us have only truly reflected on this fact now is terrible, and I hope that this situation marks the start of more appreciation for the health service and all those who work tirelessly to care for people.

The Rug has been Pulled from Under Me

I started 2020 with two very clear goals: sitting my finals in May and achieving the best marks possible and earning a place on the British team for the 2020 European Young Riders Championships in July. The rug has been pulled from under me for the former and I wait with bated breath to hear whether the latter will go ahead; I am hopeful, with every fibre of my being, but I am a perpetual realist and my brain urges me to prepare for disappointment. Where does that leave me?

The last two weeks have been very reflective: I am not a crier but will confess that the prospect of losing my last chance to attend an U21 championships off the back of finally “cracking it” at CDI Keysoe needed a cathartic sob before I could face it fully. Everything had come together; winter training with Caron, the time and investment of my parents and Chloe’s hard work preparing Una beautifully. The prospect of that being directed at ‘nothing’ is a bit heart-wrenching.

The character of these next few months will have one factor in common for everyone: uncertainty. It is what I try to avoid most as an athlete, as I’m sure all other sports people do too! We rigorously plan; for training, for competition, for the schedule before the test. When to plait, when to change into white breeches, when to pick our horse up from their warm-up walk. All of this hangs off certainty – the day that we’re competing and the time that we’re going into the ring. When this “peg” disappears, we find ourselves with a lot to hang and nothing to hang it from! This is how I’ve felt over the past few weeks, and I am sure it is a common sensation for many.

Feeling cut adrift is a horrible feeling, so I knew that I needed to find something to ‘tether’ myself to again. I had a very productive chat with my sports psychologist, Charlie Unwin, and worked out a plan to slot in where all other plans have gone to pieces. I think a weakness of our sport is it sometimes develops a culture of “I can do it, I have it so much easier than X person, I need to get on with it.” That’s often true, and personally I am always aware that I have it easier than so many, especially now, but coping with this unprecedented time is not comparative, and certainly shouldn’t be competitive. If you need help, please seek it, whether with a professional or a friend: this is going to be a difficult time for everyone, and it needn’t be lonely too.

New Territory

Corona lockdown at home for Rebecca and Nibeley Union Hit
These ‘Corona times’ are, of course, all new territory, but coping with this situation has required me to remind myself of things that I knew already. What do I try to achieve at the European Championships? My best ever test. Worst case scenario, can I ride that test in my arena at home in July? Yes. What would I have tried to do as I entered the beautiful exam schools to sit my papers in the summer? My best ever essays. Can I write them remotely, probably whilst being pestered by several cats? Yes. So really, my actual goals haven’t changed, just the situation in which I might have to achieve them. More importantly, I have realised that even when the “most important” things in my life have been stripped away, my last ever term at Oxford and all the joy and celebrations that would have come with it lost, I still have so much. This situation has altered my perspective for the better; I hope that it will bring the equestrian community together as we all realise how lucky we truly are to share in this sport and treasure these beautiful animals that give us so much.

My perfect dream for this year is riding down the centre line at my first home Europeans, my final U21 championships, at my local venue Hartpury, on my precious mare who has overcome so much. I enter the ring in the sunshine, nail all my changes and leave knowing that I couldn’t have done more. Caron says that she was finally able to watch my canter work without feeling nervous.

My other perfect dream is setting out an arena with jump poles and entering the ring for the “Hatton’s Farm” championships, at home, on my precious mare who has overcome so much. She has a look at the hut at the end, despite having seen it a thousand times, but it only serves to elevate her trot even more. Percy the dachshund follows us throughout our test, nearly getting run over multiple times, but we nail our changes anyway. I finish the test knowing that I couldn’t have done more. Caron says that she was finally able to watch my canter work without feeling nervous.

I hope that you are all staying well, both physically and mentally, during this time.

- Rebecca Bell

Related Links
Rebecca Bell: "Each Attempt Has to Be Totally ‘On Point'"
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Rebecca Bell: "Living Two Dreams: Oxford and International Dressage - It is Possible"